Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
