I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
