...so i touched it.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
