i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
