im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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