so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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