A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
