Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
