their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
