It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
