Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
