fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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