We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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