best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
