yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
