I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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