When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
