oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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