watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
