She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
