Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Barsexuality is the new black.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
