Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
