I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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