Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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