I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
