The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
