Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
