just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
