i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
