She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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