grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
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