It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
