Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
