wrigley field is MILF paradise
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
