i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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