so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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