who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
