Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I checked into jail on foursquare
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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