I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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