im drinking this country out of the recession.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Randomize
