we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
birth control should be required to get into college
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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