Please, let me fuck your mom
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
