Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
