So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Fuck appropriateness.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
