Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
