I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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