I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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