BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
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