Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
