So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
