I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
