Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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