What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Congratulations! We have a period
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