never play flip cup with pint glasses
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize
