Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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