but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
