We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
