I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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