you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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