he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
