If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
