I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
