I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Randomize
