I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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