So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
