i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
