he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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