How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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