I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize