i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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