i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
