It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
