Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
