Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
