Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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