Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize