so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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