Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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