I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
