a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
