he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
