I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
