I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize