Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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