I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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