3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
