My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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