Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
