awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
