You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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