Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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