elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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