idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
