if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
