and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize