Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
